The Call

I got a "B" in Genetics and Gene Expression during Spring quarter, so I was happy to find out when checking my grades that I still made Dean's Honor List Spring 2016 (top 16% in my college), AND I managed to get an "A" in my final course of calculus EVER! Good riddance, calculus! I am still keeping the dream alive of being able to graduate "summa cum laude," but I would happily take magna, and above all will at least be earning "I gave it my all." I get reminded on occasion that I was the first person in our family to make it past organic chemistry in college, and there was a lot of crying when it was discovered that I not only passed, but got an "A". Anyways, maybe this is because I love school (evidenced by the fact that I've already purchased and started reading all of my Fall quarter books for fun [Latin especially!]), so it's not really been so terrible... the start of Fall quarter seems so impossibly far away!

This excitement of course is all balanced with some recent sobering health news about a close family member (details about which I will respectfully decline to share). And a humbling MCAT practice exam. Even though I've been reading all about surgery, and have done some time in the OR, the thing about medicine is that every procedure, no matter how "common" or "routine" to health professionals, is at once being experienced by a patient for the first time. "Recommended to neurosurgeon for consult" is not in the day-to-day vernacular of the average person, and this is precisely when doctoring is the most crucial: when your medical experience and training are second to your compassion, empathy, and ability to connect to someone who's has just received news that their life will never be the same.

This ties in with what has been keeping me awake the last few nights, thinking about my family member, and the question, "Why do you want to become a doctor?". A question every aspiring medical student should expect to answer, but one that for me does not come with an easy answer like, "my parents want me to," or "I've always wanted to be a doctor" (the two I hear most commonly).

One day I will be ready to talk about what it is that made me want to become a doctor in more detail, but for now, I can see the moment clearly, I can look back and see myself as if from above, disoriented, on a crisp foggy night, rummaging to unhook my bag as my phone rang, muffled.
"Emma..."
the pause,
"Emma, we need you to come to the hospital..."
I hear a shallow exhale buffeting against the phone in the silence,
"...are you sitting down?"

This was the first of many calls, which over the next few years would extract me straight from my youth and throw me at the feet of mortality. A grey world where for the first time in my life, I would hold the hand of someone I loved, helpless to do anything else while I watched them pass away.

Barbie, Doctor Barbie

Every time I go to Target, I rearrange the Barbie section. I put all of the doctors, nurses, veterinarians and dentist Barbies in front of the other Barbies. Usually there are a quite a few of them, but they had this new swimsuit collection out when I went today, and I only found three health professions Barbies to stage. Andrew says they must be out of doctors because my efforts have finally taken hold and the girls are buying all of them... I sure hope so. When my family buys Toys for Tots to donate for the holidays, I always shamelessly buy only health professions Barbies. They should bring back surgeon Barbie, but maybe put her in scrubs and not in a mini skirt this time...

Do Better

46 pages from the end of my current book, and today is my last day of calculus! I think something must be wrong with me because in between studying, and leisure reading, and making coffee, and crossfit (that's me down there), my brain somehow decided to look up 1-year master's programs. I'll have a year between undergrad and med school (at least), so maybe I could fit a master's in there. Who knows.

Reading Better has made me think very critically about a lot of issues that doctors face, which I hadn't fully extrapolated before. Malpractice and insurance battles. How to close the care gap between hospitals, and better statistically monitor programs and procedural successes. One of the classes I took last quarter at Davis was GDB 102: Disease Policy and Intervention. As a capstone course for my major (Global Disease Biology), this class involved an "exit interview"/friendly interrogation with our major professor, with material from any of our major courses as fair game for questioning. One question in particular that stuck with me from this class, this interview, and from my research proposal, is "How do you define success?". More specifically, my question was, "How would you have defined success for both the WHO and MSF during the 2014 Ebola outbreak?" This is the kind of thing that keeps me awake at night. Look at the Millennium Development Goals from the WHO. Overarching world health goals like "eradicate extreme poverty and hunger", and "to reduce child mortality". WHAT DOES THIS EVEN MEAN?! Think about the logistics of reducing hunger: planning, funding, training and deployment of personnel, developing a program that is culturally sensitive and self-sustaining... I mean, the list of logistics goes on forever, and the devil is in the details, but I love and respect the level of planning that must go into these things. But in the end, really, how do you define success for something like this? Small, measurable goals? A program whose success can be sustained without outside intervention?

What it comes down to, as I think the point of the novel Better is, is how do we as individuals dedicate ourselves to the relentless determination required to solve these colossal problems? It is not so simple, and yet it is. Be diligent in the work that you do, and do not become complacent. Do not accept failure. But know when to accept that you yourself have nothing more to offer. This is not to accept defeat, but to know your limits, to know what is realistically achievable in the time given, to know the limits of the human body, to know the limits of medicine. And yet... what is realistic? What is time? What is medicine?

“All things are possible until they are proved impossible and even the impossible may only be so, as of now.”

This is what drives me every day. 

It got me through 3 marathons, multiple half marathons, it got me to return to school while working multiple miserable jobs full-time, and it is what convinces me that we can each do better, in every aspect of our lives.

Perhaps your dreams are daunting, perhaps the world is filled with disease and pain, but maybe it's your broken hands that can sustain the life of another. Maybe it is your compassion that will change things. Maybe you need to give yourself the chance to see if it is possible. But maybe this is only possible if you commit to doing better, in every aspect of your life. 

Speaking of better, I feel like this post could be better... but alas, one thing at a time! Ha! 

An Aspiring Surgeon's Notes on a Surgeon's Notes

Even though I am a notoriously slow reader, I managed to finish Complications: A Surgeon's Notes on an Imperfect Science in only three days. I have since started Better: A Surgeon's Notes on Performance, a novel by the same author, and my love for UCDavis has really taken hold. In the first fifty or so pages, not one surgeon, doctor, public health intervention, or historical disease incident has been mentioned that I am not familiar with. Semmelweis? Of course! He's the guy who determined that childbed fever and subsequent maternal death came as a result of poor doctor hygiene (particularly, not washing hands between patients). In 1847, he stood by his hospital's sole handwashing station and intimidated doctors into washing their hands. Thus hospital hand-washing protocols were born. They also talk about polio interventions and "mop-up" vaccination programs in India. And Robert Liston, THE FASTEST KNIFE IN THE WEST END! This guy is a legend, and one of my favorite surgeons. Infamously amputated a leg in 2-1/2 minutes, and managed to somehow take 3 casualties in the process: the patient and an assistant died from gangrene as a result of the procedure, and another assistant in the room purportedly had a heart attack witnessing the blood-bath.  The first assistant got gangrene because Liston cut off his fingers by accident while trying to do the amputation so hastily. Liston was insane. Anyways, it's been a good Summer for books written by surgeons, and I only have two more days of calculus left!

Berbere On My Mind

At the beginning of Summer I started reading Cutting for Stone, and I finally finished it last week (the last two hundred pages of which I devoured in one sitting like an addict). The novel is about 700 pages, and in theory, most of my focus is on school right now, but the writing is so elegant, and the lives so immersive that it was really difficult to put down. The morning after I finished it, I found myself at the library looking for my next fix. That glorious day, I discovered section 617.092 of the dewey decimal system. Technology/Applied Sciences>Medicine> SURGERY! This section of the library is a gold mine! I got six books (Summertime and the living is easy) and am almost done with numero uno: Complications: A Surgeon's Notes on an Imperfect Science. In one part, Atul muses at a surgeon's conference and it makes me daydream about getting to play with new sutures and tools one day, as an experienced surgeon. Most of my Amazon Wish List at this point is just anatomy books, disease history books, dream microscopes and suture practice kits. Once you find something you love, it's hard not to be anxious to learn everything you possibly can. Stay hungry, stay foolish. 

Speaking of, last night, Andrew and I got Ethiopian food (most of Cutting for Stone is set in Addis and the food descriptions in the last section were making me salivate). I did some much-needed research on spice blends of Ethiopia and how to cook things like misir wot and injera. For someone who was once, and I guess always will be, a chef, part of the joy of eating is knowing how things were made. Dissecting dishes, nutritional anthropology, and the tangible nature of food are really what drew me to cooking. I guess in that respect surgery has its similarities.

Well, I have a weekend of reading and coffee to take advantage of... and one more week of calculus! Yeehaw!

Break on Through to the Other Side

I got a perfect score on my calculus midterm so I guess it went okay. HAHA! Crazy! Cancel the nonchalant, I was astounded and amazed!!! I put a lot of study time in, so I was happy to see that it paid off. Two more weeks until the end, and the countdown has begun! Actually, who am I kidding, I was counting down from day one of Summer Session.

Got kind of emotional at the UC Davis campus last weekend. I can't believe this is my school, and that I'm a senior. One more year and I'll be renting an overly priced cap and gown and walking in the hot, hot, hot Davis Summer sun to get my diploma. I have already mentally allocated all 7 of my graduation tickets: Parents, Sister, Boo, In-Law's, Best Friend. I will probably just cry uncontrollably the whole day. I'll be the first one in my immediate family to get their bachelor's, so I'm guessing there will be a lot of crying all around. It's been a long road, but I am starting to see the end of this chapter. Then I'm onward to bigger, more surgical, dreams.

Also, on a side note, if you enjoy watching/learning about surgical procedures, this site has a really superb video archive: Med Line Plus Surgery Videos. If you look under "Bones, Joints and Muscles" that's where all the orthopedic stuff is! Also this one: More Orthopedic Surgeries

P.S. I finally finished watching Friends!

Calculus Midterm?!

I know I've been completely MIA the last three weeks, but that is only because I am taking a 5-semester-unit calculus class in 6 weeks. I just spent the last few days writing out every question on the practice exam 4 times with different variations (see picture of my "desk" below).

That is how terrible at calculus I am. Anyways, professor changed the class format from multiple exams to just a midterm and a final, so no pressure, but if I don't do well on this exam I am screwed! As incentive to power through the maths, I have been watching Friends on Netflix between problems (you do what you gotta do!). I finally made it to season 10 and got to see the well-rumored reason why everyone started naming their kids Emma when I was in high school. I mean, it's a good, strong name for a feisty, independent, adventurous, and stubborn girl. I should know, I am one. MUAHAHA

Okay, just wanted to do a quick update... I'm off to take my midterm! WISH ME LUCK. Let's just not get bitten by a dog on the way or anything.

Calculus...the Final Frontier!

So, I have spent the last week reading, catching up on Friends, scanning in my lecture notes from last quarter, and backpacking through Point Reyes with my Andrew! Blisters and beach-side adventures were aplenty as we hiked over 14 miles (in one day!) with our packs, and met a sweet dog named Ahi. We returned to the grid yesterday refreshed and so happy to shower. It's amazing how good it feels to be at home, lay down on a real mattress, and make pizza when you've been eating backpacker food (read: just add water) off a whisperlite and sleeping in/on ultra lightweight everything for a few days. The views out there were pretty unbeatable though.

 My handsome Andrew hiking with his pack (after we unloaded all of the food, tent, sleeping bags, pads, chair, water, stove, etc in the photo below...you can really fit a lot of shit in two packs.)

 Base Camp with our "kitchen" on top of the bear box

Some hard body couple running shirtless on the beach

Oh, you thought by the post title that this was going to be about calculus? Well, I thought I would ease you in with the vacation photos first, but my final calculus course (could it be, my last mathematics course EVER?) starts tonight. Am I ready? Of course not! But is one ever truly ready for mathematics? It's only a matter of time before I am swearing at webassign/mathlab/whatever online homework system they'll have us using this time. 

But, Emma, I thought space was the final frontier? Well, I haven't earned an A in any math class since high school, and I'd like to change that this Summer. If nothing else, at least hopefully this calculus class won't end like the last one... wherein my hand (my writing hand!) got bit by a dog the night before my final (at 11:40pm, just my luck) and I came to the final anyways and suffered through trying to write illegibly with the pencil between my pinkie and ring fingers and started bleeding on my paper. It was truly as ridiculous as it sounds. I had worked so hard in that class and went to every single office hours with my professor only to not be able to write on the day of my final. The whole situation was quite upsetting. But what can I say, I am stubborn and I wasn't about to post-pone a final because of some minor nerve damage in my wrist. Let's just not make that a repeat performance. Wow, see, I am already feeling way better about this class!

It's a Wrap!

My blog fluency is equivalent to child swimmer level: arm floaties. I thought I had this, but I seemed to have "saved" this post from June 7th instead of publishing it... now I am pushing the big orange "Publish" button for sure!

I have officially survived my first/junior year at UC Davis! Finals are over and now I just have to sit and anxiously await the posting of grades! (June 13th edit: Still waiting, but I got a B in Genetics and that is all a girl can hope for with a class average in the 60s!). Two weeks before the end of the quarter, our beloved Smartsite online portal went down, so even if professors have already graded exams, they can't upload them to Smartsite so we have to wait for our official transcripts to post to view our grades, which may take a while ("June 24th" officially). In the meantime...

After my last final, Andrew took me out for steak and whiskey, so I'm really feeling in Summer mode now (even though I'm taking more classes starting next week). I'm wearing flip flops and tank tops like they're going out of style. I also finally started reading the book Cutting for Stone that was recommended to me last year by an older woman volunteering at the library who used to work as a pathologist in the 1950's, "back when things were less elegant and more gorey." The book retraces the  history of twins born in Ethiopia to a surgeon father, and mother (a nun!) who passes at their birth. When I started reading it, I thought that the universe had conspired for me to read this book at this time in my life. I highly recommend it. Also, so does the New York Times (where it reached #2 on the bestseller list) and Amazon (where it is in the "100 Books to Read in a Lifetime"). Cutting for Stone reminds me of how I used reading as a kid to travel and learn about histories and cultures from different perspectives. I had this series of books wherein young historical figures would write about major world events in a journal format. For a long time I kept a journal, always thinking that my words would be worth something one day. As it turns out, writing is more about the reflection process than the actual end result. Oh well, I am learning a lot about Ethiopian and Arabian peninsula history reading my current book, which has only taught me how little it is that I actually know.

This post is getting a little long in the tooth; I'll bow out here, I've got some Summer to Summer!

Bocce Battle of the Labs!!!

Apparently the Plant Pathology department is obsessed with bocce ball? Word on the streets is there is a rumble going down tomorrow on the field outside Hutchison ("plant pathology building" where my major classes are housed because the PlantPath dept created Global Disease Biology!). They set up a huge event tent and everything (see picture below of it being built). Earlier this morning I saw a scruffy man in a "Got Wormwood?" shirt sipping coffee from a plant pathology department mug, nodding at the tent with satisfaction. I got the feeling he was thinking, "this year is my year." I'll see what I can find out tomorrow.

*edit: Is it possible that a secret bocce tournament happened in the dead of the night? By the time I returned to the scene the next morning, there were piles of ice under the trees, full garbage cans, and fire extinguishers everywhere, as if the party had already came and went. I asked around but was not able to find out any more. I'll have to scour the plant pathology department lab pages where surely one of the labs will have announced their victory by now.

Last Day in Surgery...For Now

Today was the final day of my surgical internship and I am sad to go, but so happy and thankful for the opportunity. My supervisor gave me the highest possible rating in every category of my evaluation, so I am on cloud nine. To top it off, I got to spend the last bit of my final day with one of my favorite hand surgeons. Sigh.

'Til we meet again, OR.

It's the Final(s) Countdown!

It is hard to believe that I am only 5 days away from the end of my first/junior year at Davis, but it's true! For many reasons, this quarter has been arguably the most insufferable of the quarters yet. But it's almost over. Many of my friends have had a rough quarter, so we're glad to see it go.

If you happen to be a Davis student, you may be thinking, 5 more days, but that would only put you at the first day of finals?! Well, that's right kids, I got lucky and have all of my finals on the first Saturday of finals. "Wow, that sucks!" you proclaim, and the only response I can think of is:

Next year is senior year. DO YOU HEAR THE ANGELS SINGING?! But before that, I will be finishing calculus this summer because according to every doctor I've asked, "you'll never use that," so it's required. I usually get stir-crazy if I'm not taking classes or working towards something, so I guess this will be good. I spent Winter break doing a comprehensive mathematics review on Khan Academy because I tried to binge-watch shows on Netflix and it just made me angry. Added bonus is that I'll be living with AQL again, so I'll get to wake up next to the man of my dreams, which is always good for morale.

After that, Fall quarter 2016 is looking up! I'll be taking:

-Biomolecules and Metabolism ("biochemistry": this will come in handy for the MCAT!)
-Microbiology (Meh.)
-Microbiology lab (Lab professor is a trekkie! Plus labs usually win for my favorite class.)
-Environmental Changes in Disease and Public Health ("History of Public Health")
-Word Roots: Latin and Greek (yessssss!)
-Plus doing lab work for my senior research project...details to come!

FIVE. MORE. DAYS.

Bright Lights, Big City

Ah, sweet Tuesdays. Surgery day. My favorite day. I only have one more week at the hospital and it was making me misty and nostalgic all day. Today I was reflecting on how much I've learned in the last few months. One of the RNs said they were just waiting to win the lottery so they could stop working, and they asked me what I would do if I won the lottery. "Honestly, I'd just keep doing what I'm doing. But if I won the lottery, I could pay for medical school in cash, not loans. And I'd probably buy a house." It's the truth. I love this.

In the most boiled down version possible, these are my thoughts on my last few months in surgery:

1. I love surgery. It may not be glamorous, but there is still something so beautiful about it. Before my internship, I assumed I may just love it in theory, but it turns out, I really do love it. There is something about the smell of sterility, the bright lights, and the beeping of the heart rate monitor that I have really fallen in love with. It is almost meditative? Purposeful and hypnotizing. And I can't get enough. Okay, and you get to cut things. And suturing is fun!
2. ...more specifically orthopedic surgery. It's less squishy than the other kinds.
3. ...more specifically orthopedic surgery specializing in hands. Of all the surgeries I've observed and scrubbed in on (knee arthroscopies, cataract correction, fused fingers, the list could go on forever), hands are my favorite! They are also the least squishy specialization, except if you're removing a cyst or something else fun like that. 
4. In the OR I am surrounded by like-minded people. To me, this speaks louder than anything. 
5. I feel like someday, if someone asks me if I knew the exact moment I wanted to be a surgeon, I would tell them about today. 

I am really going to miss some of the quirky surgeons, and the nurses and staff I've met. They've all been so helpful and hardworking, and an essential part of my journey. Good people, doing their best to contribute in a meaningful way. I know this won't be the last time I see them, but I'll miss them nonetheless.

Thinking back, the first surgeon who let me observe in his OR said, "You're into pathology? Well, we'll see what we can do about turning you into an orthopedic surgeon." ...looks like his plan may be working afterall.

Annnnndd We're Back!

     Two weeks left in the quarter... seems like a good time to start a blog! (Procrastinating? No! Of course I would rather be reading about the lac operon and genetic expression...) Welcome to the new home of the Daily Davis. For those of you who are just finding me, I started writing little vignettes about a year ago when I came to the University of California, Davis. As an unconventional transfer student with a sordid history in the culinary industry, the Daily Davis became a way for me to demystify the world of higher education and keep in touch with my friends who are increasingly worldly in their pursuits. Not much to see on this first post, but I promise, new space, same delicious Daily Davis flavor! Don't mind the dust!

     Oh, the name, Everyday Pathology? Well, someone took "Daily Davis" AND "The Daily Davis" (both out of commission since about 2010...not that I care...) and I have been thinking about writing a blog called "Everyday Pathology," so I'm just trying to hit two birds with one stone by taking the domain while it's available. Also, who knows where (if?) I'll get into medical school... at which point the Daily Davis will magically transform into Everyday Pathology! Cheers!